The fact that I keep crying over something that was never meant to be makes me feel worse. I fell for an idea. My Dad just told me “if it’s to good to be true, something is wrong.” I never understood, But I guess as in some song “if it’s perfect it isn’t worth it”. Remy was perfect. The whole spiritual and emotional bonding was amazing. But when He told me “you’d be lying to yourself if you thought things would go further” really cut deep. Him and I have been “talking” for a year… I wanted something More. I wanted to know how He felt for a change . But in all reality He didn’t want anything with me. I now know how it felt when I was “talking” to kadijah & I didn’t want to be with her. In all reality she’s the ONLY one I’d rather be with. I’m just scared to finally open myself up to her. I’m scared to love her. I’m scared to hurt her.. But in all reality I’ve been hurting her. She doesn’t deserve that. I love this girl. & “talking” to Remy for that year & going through what I put kadijah through for 3 years repeatedly was really my karma. I never believed in that shit till now. The only thing left to do is make things right with kadijah. I think she’s moved on already… I love her. But I just wasn’t ready to love her.